tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9057129053678251717.post8826262219622383899..comments2019-06-03T17:48:25.421-07:00Comments on Lurid Radiance: Wiped and wiredLuridhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02396710898271581310noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9057129053678251717.post-1941201010996787982012-03-31T14:53:08.772-07:002012-03-31T14:53:08.772-07:00OH and thanks for the bit about the book. YA = you...OH and thanks for the bit about the book. YA = young adult; the book's for teenagers. I"ll post more of it soon.Luridhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02396710898271581310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9057129053678251717.post-47275041383303009452012-03-31T14:52:35.231-07:002012-03-31T14:52:35.231-07:00THat is a hell of a story about the guns, Jen. Tha...THat is a hell of a story about the guns, Jen. That's one of those pivotal moments in your life when everything, literally *everything*, can hinge on a time span of less than 30 seconds. You handled it the right way--I bet it put the fear of God in them, or at least the fear of guns. Which everyone should have to begin with.<br /><br />Mine's regrettably dulled since we have like six million in my house, including some that weigh more than I do (not saying much, but still). That's what happens when you align your life with a cop, I guess. After a bad episode about seven years ago I told him he had to get safes with combination locks and keep the key to the gun cabinet somewhere I couldn't find it. And that's how we roll now. They're everywhere and I can't get to them. Unless I ask special permission to borrow an unloaded one for a self-portrait, ha.Luridhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02396710898271581310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9057129053678251717.post-87449314836038075262012-03-31T00:06:24.898-07:002012-03-31T00:06:24.898-07:00L-
Can't speak for Michal but we've been f...L-<br />Can't speak for Michal but we've been friends for a long time now. I know that she was concerned at the scariness of your image. She may also have been protecting me as it is well known that I am terrified of guns. Terrified to the point everyone is sure that some very traumatic thing happened but I don't know what. I grew up where guns are part of the furniture. I learned how to shoot. But I've been afraid for as a long as I remember. In fact one of the ways I knew that I could handle emergencies well enough to work in healthcare was that the boys I babysat the summer before college asked to watch TV in their parents' room. They were brats; I was glad for the break. Until I walked in to see who wanted what on their bologna and found them just pulling a gun out after picking a gun cabinet lock. Another minute, another 30 seconds and tragedy would have been easy. I managed to stay dead calm until nobody was touching a gun and both kids were out of the room, marched out with hands up and searched. I have never in my life had something make me so angry that I could sit and glare at 2 children for 6 solid hours but I did. I did not let them pee without me and the other kid. If I wanted water they better be thirsty. No talking, no tv, raise your hand to pee. I know I terrified their dad when he got home since I was usually smiling and fun and that day I marched two kids to the porch, said sit and don't talk, and pulled him aside but told him we had to keep the kids in direct view. I didn't react until I left their house and then I threw up.<br /><br />And why am I telling this story? Oh, 3:05 and I'm wide, wide awake. I hope the mania isn't taking back over; mixed was better but I knew 7 hours of sleep in 2 days wasn't enough.<br /><br />At least Dr. Brain is back soon.<br /><br />BTW, like your story/book not sure what your abbreviations mean. Waiting for more.<br /><br />Just MeUnknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03168132384344330580noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9057129053678251717.post-87492522836917495632012-03-27T08:54:16.545-07:002012-03-27T08:54:16.545-07:00Hi Michal--the profile picture is one I made when ...Hi Michal--the profile picture is one I made when I was in a mixed state way back in 2007. You can see the larger version here, if you're interested:<br /><br />http://www.flickr.com/photos/jstar/392541153/in/set-72157603842811142<br /><br />Both figures in the picture are me; I created it with the glorious magic of Photoshop.<br /><br />I chose it as my profile picture because I refuse to shy away from the truth of what this disease is like. I know it's brutal, but so is bipolar 1. When I roll back around to hypomania, I'm sure I'll post something euphoric :)Luridhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02396710898271581310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9057129053678251717.post-59504106092428969922012-03-26T19:38:00.975-07:002012-03-26T19:38:00.975-07:00I don't think there is a very good change. I ...I don't think there is a very good change. I am pretty sure that if something doesn't change on its own I will be back in the hospital very soon. How many times in a year will I go there?Just Mehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01085642883987294862noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9057129053678251717.post-20816094591652351722012-03-26T19:08:30.093-07:002012-03-26T19:08:30.093-07:00Hi from Michal, regular "pen pal" of Jus...Hi from Michal, regular "pen pal" of JustMe Jen. I haven't noticed your comments before but I just have to ask why you have such a frightening profile picture.Michal Annhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17680002305753968190noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9057129053678251717.post-52598033676087126182012-03-26T17:30:55.280-07:002012-03-26T17:30:55.280-07:00Definitely sounds from your blog that you need som...Definitely sounds from your blog that you need some kind of big change from what you have in order to get yourself to sleep. Being exhausted just turns up the volume on every single other thing. <br /><br />Thinking of you, girl.Luridhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02396710898271581310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9057129053678251717.post-28194155201841260222012-03-25T21:27:47.031-07:002012-03-25T21:27:47.031-07:00I think my doctor told me that smaller people are ...I think my doctor told me that smaller people are often the ones who gain on zyprexa. I didn't in my week on it and I'd guess if I were going to I would have because I was on enough antipsychotics when I went to the hospital that the residents kept being horrified that I was taking so much and was awake, much less having insomnia. So I think that's part of why she's not trying it now; she seems to want to leave Seroquel alone because it works enough that removing it would potential be a bad thing, and I'm assuming she doesn't feel it is very likely that I would benefit from Zyprexa as an add on since I've asked a few times because I paid $93 for a bottle and took less than half. Hard to know though; right now I'm also being kept on the safest possible combination with as little access to harmful stuff as possible. And I'm not told when that's the case because they don't want me to know what it safe and what isn't. My medical background and having been on so many meds makes me a extra dangerous, or did when I was more serious than i am now. Now my biggest risk I think is taking everything sedating I can find just to sleep. Fortunately I know better and I do seem more tired tonight. If I don't sleep tonight I'm going to start praying that the psychologist can reach the psychiatrist. She's out of the office this week. Usually she will check for emails if she can during these times and I have some priority right now on that. But she's 2 years out from breast cancer treatment so if she's having tests or something she may not be reachable. But someone has got to get me to sleep...Which is why I can't get into my own meds. Oh well.Just Mehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01085642883987294862noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9057129053678251717.post-59883775968968070302012-03-25T20:14:01.362-07:002012-03-25T20:14:01.362-07:00Yeah, Zyprexa. I guess it must cost Humana less t...Yeah, Zyprexa. I guess it must cost Humana less than Abilify. <br /><br />I come from a long line of Type II diabetes too, on both sides. Yippie. Hopefully my hummingbird-like metabolism is going to save me. <br /><br />I'll be interested in seeing if you wind up taking Zyprexa again and how it goes for you. Hopefully not awful, since you are so sensitive to meds. <br /><br />Screw akathisia. It blows.Luridhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02396710898271581310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9057129053678251717.post-14730988881859513532012-03-25T16:16:50.882-07:002012-03-25T16:16:50.882-07:00Olanzapine? That's kind of weird; that's ...Olanzapine? That's kind of weird; that's Zyprexa. Which is supposed to be highly effective but I'm surprised it is preferred. It's not like it is generic. I've avoided it because it has a higher risk of weight gain which my body thinks is a great idea and type II diabetes, which I'm at increased risk because my father's side of the family ALL get it and most die from it (some of this is because of not caring for it properly, but we also have a lethal form), and it's on the other side as well. So it is in the last resort category. I took it for about a week last fall to try to get to sleep when I had akasthesia; it didn't do anything but that is not one of the meds they hospital uses for it, it was just a last ditch effort. I did not have side effects of any sort in that time andwe talked about using it now since I have some but my psychiatrist seems to not think it would help since we've not gone back.<br /><br />It's a good drug and likely to help you sleep. Just very weird that it is somehow preferred over abilify. Atypical antispychotic, atypical antipsychotic, neither generic (unless Zyprexa went generic since September).Just Mehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01085642883987294862noreply@blogger.com